as she kneads my belly from the inside...

i wanted to go for a walk yesterday. but i realized that by the time i got in the car and drove four minutes to Appleton Farm i would have to go to the bathroom already. i'd start walking and the heat would make my fingers swell and my ankles tingle with dehydration. so i'd want to drink water, but by this point i'd really have to go to the bathroom, and i would only have been gone from my house for fifteen minutes.

disaster.

so i didn't walk yesterday. i sat in my living room after a lovely breakfast out with j. and we were just chatting nicely and suddenly i burst into tears. everything just seemed to overwhelm me all at once. the living room was suddenly a disaster zone of impossible tasks that needed doing. two books, for example, were lying on the floor.

I'M TOO BIG TO PICK THEM UP OFF THE FLOOR.

well, okay, i'm not gi-normous. i've only gained 23 pounds... but as far as i go i have reached a point where i'm just not physically able to do what i normally could do. squatting and lifting and bending all result in swollen ankles and shortness of breath and the never-ending trips to the WC.

my angel mother-in-law helped me get my laundry done and we made two large pans of stuffed shells for the freezing along with a loaf of banana bread. j., meanwhile, tidied the home. so i'm not as overwhelmed today.

my recommendation to all pregnant women is to get as much of this stuff done before you get big as you possibly can. it just gets harder. i've been lucky enough to have lasted until my last three weeks without too much physical disability/discomfort. but, of course, these last three weeks are the ones that feel most impending and crucial.

when will she come?

we think her name is elenora mae. we've been in love with the name "nora" for a long time, and when we saw "elenora" it just seemed to be so beautifully sweet. and that's how i feel about this little girl--she is just so precious. elenora means "the shining light" and mae means "star of the sea." it fits so nicely.

my mom is terrified she will be called "ellie-mae"...but we don't live in the south for goodness sake.

i think ella knows when it is j. who is touching my belly. as soon as he places his hand on my belly she starts moving around. when he talks to my belly she goes just about crazy with excitement. it's so sweet. tonight when j. got home i gave him a hug and he could feel her moving around as my belly pressed against his--his own "hello."

the nursery is coming together. the crib is all set up complete with beautiful sheets and little stuffed animals all in a row ready to greet her, the clothes are all washed, the dresser is refinished with precious ceramic, pink knobs, and the toy box is absolutely full of all kinds of toys.

my changing table is stuck in vt, but we will hopefully pick that up this weekend.

so things fall in place, and my body will go back to normal... as everything else about our lives changes.