change of tactic

tonight i gave elenora another bottle of formula after i nursed her. i rocked her and then i thought "what would happen if i tried to put her in her crib?" so i put her in her crib, and she cried. so i picked her up. she got quiet right away. so i put her in her crib, and she cried harder--like she suddenly realized i meant business. so i picked her up. when she was quiet, i put her in her crib, and she really cried hard, so i picked her up and sat in the glider chair and nursed her and rocked until she was really pretty much asleep (about ten minutes). then i carried her over and put her in her crib. she woke up crying, but i just kept my hand on her belly and after about fifteen minutes her crying became softer and i withdrew from her room.

j. was out in the living room and just looked at me like "are you sure you're ready for this?" and everything in me was second-guessing. my blood pressure was way up and i just felt nervous and sick. but after fifteen minutes she was suddenly silent. an hour later she started crying and j. and i looked at each other like "what do we do?" within a minute she was silent again. then an hour later she started crying again, and again we didn't know if we should race in and comfort her or if i should feed her or what. but within a minute she was silent again.

do i just try to let her do this all night? does she need to eat in the middle of the night, or can she sleep through?

it will be amazing to have our room back... let alone our bed.

hopefully this will go as well tomorrow.

my poor darling, though. i felt so sad for her. but this really is in everybody's best interest, and she will be a happy little girl in the morning.