church? check.

we went to church today. which will make my mom happy. each conversation i have with her at some point has a question about if i made it to church or if i'm going to church. and it made momby happy. she's been wanting us to come to park street for awhile now--show off elenora and be all-together as a family.

but going to church today was frustrating. and it was sort of pathetic. we rushed around in the morning to get everyone dressed, fed, and out the door. we drove forty-five minutes or more, paying a $3 toll and $8 for parking. poor elenora went from her crib to being strapped into her high chair and then into her car seat and then when we got to church she was expected to sit still in our lap during what is normally her play time. we chose to keep her in the pew with us because we were there mostly so that her grandma could be with her (otherwise, we would have just gone to a local church, if the point was going to church). but at first momby was down playing the organ, and then after sitting with us for about four minutes she left, and i never saw her again. ella was pretty overstimulated and could not sit still. finally j. took her out of the sanctuary and i ended up sitting by myself. i couldn't concentrate on the sermon. i didn't know where j. or ella were. i didn't know where momby was. i didn't know how i'd find them after the service. i tried to concentrate, but i heard about every other word.

i finally found ella and j. after the benediction. they'd spent the service playing in the lobby. j. said she'd had fun climbing up and down three steps and amusing an older woman. he hadn't heard the sermon at all either.

is this church? why does our having gone to the park street building and sat as a family in a pew for about ten minutes together, neither of us hearing the sermon, mean so much more to our mothers than if we'd stayed home and listened as a family to the same exact sermon on the radio? why is the former so much more valuable to our parents than the latter? we would have actually heard the sermon if we'd stayed home and listened on the radio. ella would have gotten down for a nap at the right time (she's still awake and having trouble napping and it is 2 pm...and she hasn't napped at all today other than twenty minutes in the car on the way home).

it just didn't seem worth it, and it left me feeling angry that i'd let my family go through all that.

i know the grandparents sometimes read this blog. and i'm really sorry if it seems like i'm upset with you. i'm not. i know you all mean well. but this didn't work out for us. and i wouldn't do it again.