death and other goodbyes

yesterday morning ella and i got out really early and walked to the park in town, picking practically every dandelion we saw on the way. new england is just so beautiful in the spring--with just as many colors as the fall. the trees in MA all flower in various pinks, whites, yellows, etc. everything is in bloom.

after playing at the park all morning we trekked home. on the way we saw a dead robin on the side of the road. i wasn't sure how ella would react, but she was so interested. all the way home she kept exclaiming "i like that little robin!"

in the afternoon elenora attended her first wake. h.'s grandfather died this past week, and we wanted to go show our support and love. elenora came with us, so as we got ready to go we were explaining to her what a wake is and that auntie h.'s grandpa died. ella said "mommy, do you remember that Jesus died too?" and that led to a whole conversation about the difference between when a person dies and what happened after Jesus died... we talked about the resurrection and how special it was that Jesus rose again from the dead, and that it was only because he was God that he could do so.

on the way to the wake, ella asked where auntie h.'s grandpa is now, so that led to another discussion. since we've spent time walking in the local graveyard, and since in doing so i have explained to ella what a graveyard is for, it wasn't something she couldn't understand.

i love that i can just talk to elenora about real, deep things and she understands them.

after the wake, ella went home with momby for a sleepover so that j. and i could go into boston for the last service preached by reverend h. at park street. it was a very emotional service with a very teary goodbye at the end. j. and i both were more choked up than expected. reverend h. has meant so much to us, as he is the one who counseled us before we got engaged and during our engagement, and then married us in vt. the sermon that he gave at our wedding was so special and means so much to me--especially now that i've been married for almost 5 years and can better understand the deep wisdom of what he said.

there are some things in life that you just hope will always stay the same. and then as life goes on you realize that everything is transient. brothers move to guam. parents leave vt and go to sc, only to leave for papua new guinea a year later. grandparents grow older and there is the constant knowledge that they won't be there at some point in the too-near future.

j. and i are also moving on. we are moving to a new rental in June. which in many ways is a huge relief, but also a concession. we have tried for over a year to see if we could buy a house in this area, taking advantage of the tax credit. it just has never fallen into place. even finding a new rental in this area has been difficult, with nothing fitting our needs in our price range. this past year, and especially the past 6 months, has been full of ups and downs and rejections and hopes that are dashed in this area of finding a new place to live.

so i'm glad to report that we have signed a lease.

last week a townhouse in our town was posted as available, and i jumped on it. it's going to be a huge step up for us, but it is not home-ownership, and the price is more than we would have liked.

at the end of the day, you have to enjoy where you are living, and we have felt choked for some time now in our tiny place.

i do feel like things are looking up. j. and i have both felt lighter since the housing has been settled. i can stop looking online multiple times a day and stop worrying that i'm about to miss something.

and i can start getting excited about the first dishwasher i will ever use in my life.