uno, dos, tres

elenora has been watching a little bit of sesame street in the mornings after i leave for work a couple days a week.  i get to hear all about the number of the day and the letter of the day, and she'll launch into stories about the girl who broke her leg and had crutches and now is in a wheelchair, or the boy who made a cake with his daddy, etc.  and she's been very interested in saying things in spanish and counting in spanish.

yesterday, she said something in english with a funny accent and then said seriously, "that's how i say it in spanish."

i went to the midwives last night to go back on birth control.  after several months of toying with the idea of a second baby, j. and i are in agreement that now is just not the right time.  so many factors, some of which are: j.'s contract with work could end in october (they've said this before, and it never does end, but it's possible it could end, so that would be a huge change); we have to buy a car; j. is in the midst of setting up his private practice, and we just don't know how that is going to go; and most of all, we have a good thing going right now with our little family.  both of us go back and forth over whether we even want to have another child.  i'm so happy with just the 3 of us.

there's so much pressure to have a second child.  i know i'm disappointing the grandmas.  but this is my family, and i have to make the right choices for us.

wednesday night, after i'd just set up the visit to the midwives for birth control, elenora burst out into a spontaneous prayer: "Dear God, please help us..." (at this point i thought she was going to ask god for a sibling) "...to not have anymore babies around here."

so i guess we're all in agreement.

who knows what life will bring in the next few years.  i could be in a different place and be ready for another baby.  but right now, this feels right.

meanwhile, i've been watching gracie, and she's such a great baby.  she falls asleep so easily when she's tired, she coos and smiles and is so pleasant when she's awake, and you can put her down in the bouncy chair when you need to and she'll just sleep or sit and watch us contentedly.  ella was never that kind of baby.  i know it's been quite an adjustment for elenora to have a baby around and not get the full focus from mommy, daddy and mamaw.  which is really good for her, and i'm so happy to have gracie around.

but it's also nice to go back to our little 3-person unit at the end of the day and to have less chaos and more calm and focus.

why do i feel so much like i have to defend our choice?