tragedy

at our annual work picnic last friday, i watched, along with almost everyone else in the company, as a vehicle rolled into a group of employees, killing one and injuring 3 others.


it keeps replaying in my mind.  the man who died was a really great man who would always call out "Hi B-." as he walked past my office.  i just feel so heartbroken for his family.  

and then there's my friend and co-worker t., who has muscular dystrophy and was the one whose van went barreling backwards into the crowd.  what a sad thing to happen for a man whose life has already been so hard.  he is in a wheelchair and has limited movement and the van is outfitted to be worked by his hands.  he must just have hit neutral or something malfunctioned or something, and the van went backwards down the hill about 30 feet into the crowd.  i saw people diving out of the way and sound seemed suspended except for a gasp and the thump, thump of the van going backwards.  a bunch of men jumped in and pushed the back of the van to make it stop.  as the people who weren't injured cleared away from the site, i thought i would see 10-20 people laid out on the ground.  it's amazing not more people were hit. 

but such a tragedy for d. and for t. and their families.

i was so lucky to be sitting on the other side of the lawn with j.  i'd actually put down my beach chair before getting food on the other part of the lawn, and in the end it was flattened under the wheel of the van.  

maybe the beach chair sitting on the ground unopened stopped someone from sitting or standing in that space.

when i got home on friday i just started walking and ended up going miles around ipswich, aimlessly, trying to make sense out of the whole thing.  on saturday i went to a memorial for dr. stine, and my emotions were such a mixture--trying to deal with everything.  saturday afternoon i was able to suppress it until ella was in bed, but then i took a walk to rite aid to get a sympathy card, and just about lost it in the card aisle.  this morning as i walked to my office i started shaking and when i sat at my desk i fell apart.

it's like a puzzle that i keep trying to shift around to make it come out right, but no matter how i try to solve it, it always comes out unfixable.

they had a company-wide meeting today, and i was able to hug m., d.'s daughter.  they had a trauma counselor there, and he offered some guidance on how we can cope as a company and as individuals.  

i don't know how it will be when t. comes back to work.  God grant us all mercy and grace and compassion.