spring ahead

i went jogging outside today. here is why this is significant: i'm afraid of running outside. what if i get run over? what if a car comes towards me and i'm on the wrong side of the street? what if there's no shoulder? what if people are walking towards me and i have to figure out where to look? what if i get to the end of the street and i'm tired and i have to stop but people are around looking at me so i can't stop? what if i come to a hill?

these have been my fears. i have literally put on my jogging clothes before and stood in the middle of the floor terrified before shamefacedly taking off the outfit again.

but today was a saturday with sunshine and 61 degrees with a light breeze coming from the direction of the ocean with salt in its gusts. and yesterday i saw that there is a woodsy path slightly behind my apartment building where i could practice running without the worry of roads or hills.

so today i put on my jogging clothes and walked out of the building. i walked to the end of the parking lot, passing various parents with their children on the way, and started jogging. i jogged all the way down to the street and then cut back through the woods along the path. i told myself "just to the end," but when i reached the end i turned around and jogged back to the road. i walked up the hill, noticing the path leading straight up to the library, and then determined to jog up the entire length of the hill. by the top i was exhausted, but had an extreme desire to throw my hands in the air: I'd Made It all the way up. i walked around the corner of the parking lot, looking out over the view. i've heard this is the highest point in the area, and you can just see for miles. around the back of the library i decided to jog down the hill, and when i reached the bottom of the hill i just kept going until i came to the first hill i'd walked up. i jogged down this and then curved to the left back towards the apartment.

my lungs still feel the salt air and i'm more freckled than previously.