hope does not disappoint

i took a nap this afternoon. i'd just gotten off the phone with my mom. lots of bad news... my uncle is dying from a tumor in his liver that cannot be removed because his liver is so damaged he wouldn't survive the surgery; my grandma is depressed over the possibility of burying her second son; no one has heard from my cousin in iraq in several weeks; a friend's daughter may die from hepatitis C...

i fell asleep and dreamed of conflict and rage.

this morning part of the sermon was on hope. the preacher said that the most troublesome thing to non-christians is the perception that christians lack hope when experiencing suffering in their lives.

my mom sent my uncle a book. something about "anchor in the storm" or some such thing. it supposedly presents a christian message of hope without pushing christianity onto someone who is suffering. my uncle told my grandma to tell my mother he received the book--and not to send him any more religious books.

but he said he might read this one.

my grandmother also said she might read the book.

and i guess i'm still working through in my own mind what i believe about this. about dying and faith and what it takes to be right with god. is there justice and mercy for people who experience so much pain and abuse and violence in this life without them coming to a place where they explicitly call out to god to save them? i can understand the catholic need for a purgatory where people can work off their sins till they can enter paradise and receive love and grace for perhaps the first time in their lives. but i don't know what i believe about all of that. i don't even think i can have real knowledge about that in this life. my prayer for my uncle is that he will find mercy and love in the most perfect and pure form. and i don't know that he can find those things in this life from any person. so i guess my hope is that he will read this book and come to knowledge of God, who is able to love with a perfect love and to offer perfect mercy and grace. part of me thinks that maybe full conversion and belief doesn't have to happen in this imperfect life. maybe there is a more perfect justice than that. maybe god, who is infinite, doesn't have to use this space/time to accomplish everything.

i do have hope in this. i also have hope that my grandma will be able to find this same love. i have hope that though my cousin is out of contact with the family god knows where he is and is watching over him and will redeem this experience in his own time. and i am encouraged that the family whose daughter has hepatitis C seems to be a closer family than it has in years, with two of their sons at home and at peace.

to everything there is a season; a purpose.