new at marriage

so i started this blog as a way for me to process through marital stuff. i felt it was a good, anonymous way to get my thoughts out, and it was easier for me than journaling at the time since i had more computer time than sitting-with-a-notebook time.

but over the last year and a half, as i've realized how many people are reading this, i've sort of kept a lot of the marital stuff to myself. when nobody read this, it was easy to be honest about problems we encountered in our relationship. now i process that elsewhere.

but this blog is titled "newatmarriage," and after three and a half years it is only honest to say that we still feel new at this from time to time.

the truth is that j. and i have had a rough couple of weeks with all of my extra job stress. we really were stepping on each others' toes a lot and getting on each others' nerves. today is good. yesterday was good. friday was good. thursday j. was ready to sleep elsewhere and we both thought "can we really do this?"

in the end, a long talk and some concessions on both sides has restored the peace.

our marriage is still not easy after almost 4 years. we are very different people. and while we both love a lot of the qualities the other person holds, we struggle to understand/accept many characteristics about each other.

these past few weeks i've just felt tired with the new schedule (getting up at 6:30 am) and the craziness at work. i come home with a lot less in my tank, and what i have usually goes to elenora. sometimes i think j. feels like nobody takes care of him anymore.

"taking care of him" has become making dinner and doing housework. when more is asked of me than that, the "but nobody takes care of me" retorts are so easily come by.

i hope everybody doesn't start worrying about us.

the other truth is that after our evening at duckworths i remember driving home and not even remembering what all we had been talking about since the conversation was so easy and enjoyable. and that is how it is when we are able to go out together; we easily slip back into our chummy, good-times, joking, romantic selves from the days of singlehood... ie. before having a baby. having elenora has added so much to our lives, but we're definitely still figuring out how to be a couple as well as being parents.

so there's a big dose of honesty. cheers.