friday

i just drank a cup of seville orange coffee. mmm. k. and i discovered this coffee in newburyport two autumns ago, and it always makes me think of christmas shopping and candles and boots and sweaters and cold weather that you walk in nonetheless as the dead, aromatic leaves come falling down around you.

delicious.

ella is sleeping in a vibrating baby seat that someone gave to us. it's the perfect transition from me bouncing/rocking her to her sleeping on her own. and it's soft and snug around her so that she feels as if i'm still holding her. which is fabulous because the last few days or so she seems to need to be held while she sleeps or she wakes up frequently and cries to be picked back up. dr. sears is all about baby-wearing, and i tend to agree with what he says about things, but sometimes i need to put her down. there's no real reason why she couldn't sleep on her own instead of in my arms when i need to pick up the house, write an email and a blog, and do dishes (and drink my coffee).

i stopped by EBSCOland today to show her off. everyone gathered around to see her, and it was so much fun to break up their monotony with a darling baby girl. one of the most common questions people ask you is how are you sleeping? i told them i'm sleeping much better now that i nurse ella in bed with me during the night. some of the older women kind of shook their heads and warned me against letting elenora sleep with me because they say i will have an impossible time separating her from myself and getting her to sleep on her own. and i know dr. sears warns that that is what people will say, and he gives researched evidence for why babies who are held and slept with turn into independent people, but i still felt some panic because it does seem the last few days as if ella can't be put down.

and what mother can do the dishes while baby-wearing anyhow? i can't get my arms around her to the hot water, and meanwhile the soap suds are splashing onto her. if she's sleeping, she wakes up; if she's awake she's protesting.

i think dr. sears assumes that the baby is either sleeping or is awake and just happily looking around and drinking in the knowledge imparted to her by watching the mother's routine. but ella doesn't like my routine. she wants me to dance her, or walk her, or sing to her, or show her how to roll onto her tummy and back again. she doesn't put up with being carried around while i do my own thing. i have to engage with her.

dr. sears calls this a "high-needs" baby. which will turn into a very creative and sensitive person eventually. but meanwhile, i need to sweep the floors and do the dishes and take out the trash and clean up our bedroom which has turned into a wreck with all of the dirty and clean laundry stewn around the floors to the point where you're not sure what is clean and what is dirty. how do you do these things with a fussy baby who needs to be held all the time and entertained?

except that right now she's still sleeping in the baby seat, so i guess i should be folding clothing right now.

i need to get a gazillion batteries for this thing to keep the party going.