precious time

ella and i had our first walk in the rain today. i thought we might escape the rain, but at the last it started drizzling. we listened to the rain as it hit the umbrella. i really kind of like the rain every now and then.

tonight we went to the hannas for dinner. i wasn't sure how that was going to go since it was during ella's alert time. i thought maybe she'd just need a lot of attention or be cranky as at home in the evenings, but she was so good and not fussy. she just listened and looked around and sat so nicely with both l. and d. while j. and i ate lasagne and drank beer. i was so proud of her.

i fed her too much tonight. i gave her some bottle after the feeding and i tried to burp her well, but she started crying a lot. i thought it was because she needed her diaper changed and she was tired, but the poor girl turned purple with crying on the changing table. i noticed her belly felt hard and bloated and something in me said "she's in pain" so i picked her up and held her to my chest and sure enough she let off a huge burp that must have been the cause of her trouble. she then snuggled deep into my chest and just lay there for about ten minutes while i cuddled and soothed her. it was a precious time for me where i felt like she really does look to me for comfort and i can give it to her.

that means she trusts me and knows me, and that means so much.

j. is rocking elenora to sleep now. i was going to do it, but i get to do it during the day while he works and it's such a special time to be with her as she drifts off so peacefully. i've learned so much about her by observing her while she falls asleep. it's those times where you really just have to patiently hold this little girl and be there for her. and she often rewards you with the most beautiful facial expressions and smiles as she drifts off.

i've learned when to offer the binky and when to hold back. i've learned how to absorb her body as she relaxes into mine. i've learned that she usually has one last little cry before she falls into her deep sleep. i've learned that you can't just rush her into deep sleep and try to put her in the crib; you have to be patient and wait for her breathing to slow down and her eyelids to stop moving.

i could watch ella sleep for a very long time without wanting to move.

i think she and i are bonding well.