goober

last night when j. got home he suggested that i get out of the house by myself for a couple of hours. the farthest away from the baby that i've been is out walking downtown while she naps in the afternoons on the weekends, so the suggestion that i go to the mall (45 minutes away) seemed a little nutty. but ella was well fed and we thought she'd just wind down and go to bed, so i pumped as much milk as i could get and headed (tearfully) out the door.

picked up k. at her house and went to the north shore mall to find j. some jeans. found corduroys instead. but twenty minutes after arriving at the mall i received a call from j. saying elenora was screaming herself purple since i left and could i please come home. i suggested he take her out in the babybjorn for a walk (my sure-fire way of calming her down). k. and i got in the car and drove to ipswich. we found j. and ella on the side of the road--j. with a weary look on his face and ella with wide, frantic, red eyes.

my poor family.

i took elenora in and fed her. k. made brownies and j. cracked open a bottle of red wine for the three of us to drink while watching thursday's The Office. ella was so upset that she cried after her feeding. we danced her and sang to her and she calmed down while we danced and sang, but if we started to slow down she got frantic and screamed. i think she was just over tired (she woke up from her nap at six and didn't fall asleep until after eleven thirty), but i don't know why she takes to screaming and not letting herself fall asleep.

she had a fitfull night. instead of nursing and falling back to sleep peacefully she cried and had to be rocked as i paced around the house from 3:45 until 4:20. this morning i took her downtown to get breakfast to bring back up to j. and she was really good on the walk and fell asleep at the end, but when i put her down when i got home she woke within five minutes and cried until i had comforted and fed her. but she then wouldn't go back to sleep. we did have a little bit of good alert time where she was smiling a lot at j. and me and watching us as we put the baseball cap from j.'s head to my head to her head and back around again.

she usually sleeps from 11:20 until one in the afternoon, but today she wouldn't fall asleep until after 1:00. just cried and cried at the end. now she and j. are both napping in our bed. i'm sure if j. put her down she would wake up immediately and cry.

what are we doing wrong???

j. keeps saying she's a "bad girl" and that she's being "bad". i hate hearing that. i don't think she's "being bad" or that she is a bad girl. she's just a baby who can only communicate with her crying. this stage will pass, and if we listen and respond to her she will learn that we are responsive, loving parents who will try to make things good for her. eventually she won't cry so much and she will have words and other ways to communicate.

poor goober. i hope she learns to talk soon.