a very "couple-y" thing to do

a week and a half ago i arrived home from a day in rockport with a. and j. was all geared up. "we're going to play tennis," he said.

and so we did.

this was the first time in my life i ever played tennis. and i loved it. not only when i hit the ball, but when i missed the ball and had to chase after it, feeling my lungs expand and my feet pound the pavement. whether or not i'm good at it, it's good for me. and good for me and j. it's the first sport where i don't feel so incompetent next to him. i'm not saying he's bad. i'm saying we're both pretty mediocre and i'm not so bad that i drag him down and test his patience. tennis really fits all the criteria: it's outdoorsy, it's sporty, it's something we do together, it's free, and it's something we both have fun at.

we've now played tennis four times. the last two times i've really been improving. we volley pretty well, and i'm good at noticing where the ball will land and bounce, so i run to just the right place. my backhand needs a lot of work, and i still miss the ball, of course, but then i think to myself "this is good for me" and i run after it. and sometimes i hit the ball way over to the left or right so that j. has to go chasing after it. and then i think "this is good for him, too."

i think tennis has brought us closer. we always walk away with a sense of accomplishment and a sort of happy glow.

more about floods

this is day three of being home with no work. it's sunny out today, for the first time in a week and a half. hopefully this will help the river go down. i went back to ebscoland yesterday with k. she would never have believed it if she had not seen it herself. the water was higher--up over the street and up to the door handles on the building i work in. i could see into the basement, and there was more water than yesterday. more floating journals. the storm emergency message system for the company said that the managers would meet today to discuss temporary work stations... but i don't know how you can set up that many new computers with all of the programs we use to work in. i guess we'll see...

k. and i went to G. College's gym yesterday. i was desperate for some exercise after so many days apart from my ebscoland gym. and it's been far too wet and cold outside. it felt wonderful to finally move my legs and lift some weights and do my crunches and run a mile. there's this machine there that you hook your leg over and push sideways and out, or sideways and in. i walked away from that machine with jelly legs, but it felt so good.

so did the sauna afterward.

we had j.'s brother and his girlfriend over last night. i like her so much. i can see her joining as part of the family, and that makes me so happy.

i have a hair appointment today in ipswich. s. was relocated across the street to another salon, but called last night to say she'd still be available to cut my hair. i'm so glad.

at least someone's not losing business.

may showers

i tried to go to work today. as we drove along 1A we found ourselves driving slower than usual--looking at all of the damage caused by the past week of rain. we drove over several parts of the road that were completely covered with flood water. so many yards had lakes where lakes had never been before. it was hard to feel an urgency to get to work with all of the devastation around us, so we drove slowly and observed. as we neared ipswich, we came to a road barrier that was up for an obvious reason. except for some SUVs who braved it to pass the barriers and drive through the pond running across the road, everyone else was turning around. j. and i drove up mill road and around the back way to my work. but as we drove up to the large brick buildings, we noticed many people standing with umbrellas outside of The Office, and others walking away. i jumped out of the car and walked towards the back of the building where i usually go in and finally noticed what the fuss was about. our building, usually set on a lovely, lazy river, had raging rapids that had overflowed the walls and were crashing against the doors. i was able to stop a couple people and they all confirmed that The Office was closed till further notice. we drove away in a slight daze. i even called the secretary just to make sure that i was really doing the right thing in driving back home again.

j. and i spent our morning lying on the couch drinking chai and eating my cousin's birthday cake. we went out for chinese around two in the afternoon (crab rangoons, ginger chicken with green beans, pork fried rice). as we drove home, we got more and more curious about the flooding in our area, and started driving from town to town to view the damage. eventually we ended up back in ipswich, staring at the river as it hit the building and poured into the basement. unfortunately, the basement is known as "the stacks" and is where all of the old journals are kept. we looked in the windows in the back of the building and i was sad, but not surprised, to see three feet of water and publications floating or soaking in it. we then walked through the town, and it was so incredible that we stopped at Family Dollar to purchase a disposable camera. i quickly filled the role with 27 images of the disaster caused by the rain and river. a small town full of family-owned businesses and independent shops, it was so terrible to watch as people desperately carried furniture and merchandise out of their stores to try to salvage their livelihood.

we're home now. safe in our three-story apartment on the third floor. we have electricity, food, water, warmth, love, and companionship.

but who knows when i'll go back to work.

the unbearable lightness of being

the truth is that i still fit into the same clothes i did in college. this should be a good thing, right? the strange thing is, though i haven't changed size at all i feel like my body has gone all sorts of crazy in the last three years. i've always had slightly thick ankles and struggled with weight around my thighs. not much, mind you. i'm about seven pounds away from being completely and utterly happy. but several things have happened that really bug me. 1) cellulite. where does this come from? how can a girl who works out five days a week struggle so much with it? why don't the creams do what they say? why is the best cream about sixty dollars? 2) belly fat. i remember in oregon one of my fellow cabin mates had a belly that only she noticed. she was/is this really skinny, tall blonde and she was always poking at her "pouch." i remember scrutinizing my own belly and concluding that i didn't have that problem. well... so much for pride. three years ago i got in on the whole hip-hugger jeans, and it was all over from there. i really truly believe that those hip-hugging jeans that make your ass look great turn your stomach into a paunch. every time you sit in them, the waistline presses into your lower abdomen and the skin and underlying muscle gets pushed up, permanently making a pouch. jeez. what can you do? wear mom jeans? never sit down again? 3) like i said, i work out about five days a week in a gym. lately i've been running two miles outside about once a week and walking a lot on the weekends. but i Never Lose a Pound. well, okay, maybe a pound. but my body just doesn't change. it's the most frustrating thing in the world. i eat whole grains and vegetables and proteins. i really try to do all the right things: eat low-fat dairy, avoid juice and soda, avoid simple carbohydrates... but it never changes how i look. i now have a lot of muscle, but i haven't lost an inch.

there was one time in the last few years that i lost weight. the week of my wedding i probably lost up to ten pounds with all of the running around and the loss of appetite due to adrenaline.

i guess the solution is to get a divorce and then get married again.

and again.

and again.

i call it my yo-yo diet.