pretty girl

elenora is 10 months old

we went to maine this past weekend. it was beautiful weather and we enjoyed playing skip-bo with grampa and sitting on the dock. ella and i even got in the lake and swam a bit.

by the end of the trip ella was doing something new...and not terribly fun. the final night we were there she took to just falling apart with overwhelming sadness. then the next morning while i was nursing her she just fell to pieces and couldn't be put back together again. it ended with her falling asleep in my arms (which is not normal at all). it's continued for the past few days, too. especially if i leave the room or if i come back into a room and she hasn't seen me for a bit. she just starts sobbing. but since that one morning all it takes to calm her is a little redirection with a "ella, where is...?" question, or if i pick her up she calms right down.

i like to say that she's practicing her sad emotion. she's seeing what happens when she is sad. she hasn't had a lot of practice with that emotion. i'm trying to walk a fine line between not encouraging it but not completely ignoring it either. i give her consolation, but i also try to let her work through some of it on her own.

i'm hoping that part of this is just her teeth finally coming in. i mean, they have to come in some time, right? the front of her bottom gums seem whiter and more lumpy than usual, but people have been telling me they bet she's teething for about seven months, now, so i'll believe it when i see it.

j. is still waiting on a job offer. his interview went really well, so we are hopeful. but there are two positions open and one would be too far away (though he would take it). i'm praying so hard that he'll get the closer job.

m. and j. are overdue with their baby, nathan, and she's been having "knee buckling" contractions for days now. when i think about the labor i just get choked up. i told j. last night that i just don't want to do it again. why can't couples take turns with that? why can't the husband birth the second baby? i think i'm going to need some hypno-counseling to get me past my fear of giving birth again.

i've been making a lot of baby food lately. i have to admit that the list in the previous blog are things that ella could eat and not necessarily things that i have made for her. though i think i've done a good job of giving her a variety of foods. i've been trying to add some spices and herbs lately and she's enjoyed: a dash of curry in her cereal, basil on pasta, and garlic and cilantro in red lentils. her favorite foods right now have to be beets, broccoli, cottage cheese, cheddar cheese, and bananas.

elenora has been really interested in her books lately. we look at them during her play time (she initiates it by grabbing one and flipping through it) and we always read a bunch of books before her naps and bedtime. she's really good at pointing out things if i ask her "where is the horse?" "where is the duck?" "where is the clock?" "where is the cheese?" "where is the banana?" etc. she even knows categories of things; the pictures in different books are of different [dogs, cows, horses, ducks, fish, etc.], but she always knows what is what.

if you ask elenora where her hair is she puts her hands on her head. if you ask her where her teeth are she puts her finger in her mouth (and sometimes shakes her head "no"). she knows where her dress is and her belly. if you ask her where any of her stuffed animals' noses, ears, tails, or eyes are, she will point to those.

9-12 month menu options

BREAKFAST

Breast Milk and/or Formula
Oatmeal Cereal
Rice Cereal or Baby Cereal Pancakes
Oatmeal & Rice Cereal
Egg Yolks and Cheese
Oatmeal Rice, Barley Cereal Mix
Rice Cereal
Avocado with Egg Yolks
Blueberry
Bananas
Apples
Peaches
Blueberry, Apples & Banana Mush
Avocado
Peaches & Pears
Yogurt

LUNCH

Breast Milk and/or Formula
Rice Cereal with/without Chicken & Pears
Beef and Barley
Tofu (mashed) with Avocado
Red Lentils and Butternut Squash
Chicken, Peaches and Rice
Barley Cereal with Beef
Apples & Pork or Chicken
Avocado and/or Applesauce
Baked Squash and/or Pears
Sweet Potatoes and/or Bananas
Green Beans and/or Peaches
Peas and Carrots and/or Apricots
Peaches and Sweet Potatoes
Blueberry, Applesauce or Squash
Yogurt or Cheese

DINNER orSNACK

Breast Milk and/or Formula
Tofu Cubes
Rice Cereal or Chicken & Peach Delight
Oatmeal Cereal & Yogurt or Turkey
Barley Cereal
Red Lentil BabySoup
Pork & Rice with Applesauce
Chicken & Barley with Sweet Potatoes
Pear Sauce and/or Baked Squash
Mixed Vegetables
Sweet Potato Dices Coated w/ Wheat Germ & a Dash of Cinnamon
Avocado & Tofu Mush
Carrot Dices and Smooshed Peas
Green Beans & Yellow Squash
Pears
Teething Biscuits or Yogurt & Fruit
Fruits or Veggies in a Baby Safe Feeder
Apples on Toast or
Peaches & Cream Cheese on Toast
Soft Cooked Apple Chunks, Pear Dices
Banana Slices Coated w/ Wheat Germ
Teething Biscuits or Yogurt & Fruit
Fruits or Veggies in a Baby Safe Feeder

beets

i got fresh beets from the farm this week and cooked them up for lunch (yum). i went searching on the internet to see if elenora could eat beets, and sure enough she can. i discovered the following website, which i'm excited about:

http://www.wholesomebabyfood.com/babymenub.htm

it has all kinds of recipes for things to cook. i think i'm going to try introducing things like spices and herbs and lentils into ella's diet.

we're going to head on up to maine tomorrow evening to spend the weekend with my grampa on the lake. i will hopefully get to see my cousin e., who hasn't met elenora yet. i am looking forward to swimming with ella some more.

we took her to a pool last weekend and j. and i took turns bobbing ella up and down in the water. she was having a good time of it. by the end i could really pick her up and splash her down (not under) and she was kicking her little feet a bit.

j. and i are going out on a date tonight. it's pay-day, so we're taking advantage of our one evening of feeling like we have money. we'll probably just walk downtown and eat burgers at the pub or something, but the point is that we'll be getting out and enjoying foods that we didn't have to pull together.

i'm almost done with my book, "the deptford trilogy." it's always sad to feel the right side getting thinner than the left side of a good book. i think i'm going to read "the poisonwood bible" next, as it's been highly recommended to me and i found a free copy of it at the give and take. then there's always "notes from underground" by dostoyevsky, which doesn't sound as fun as his other books (love love love brothers karamazov, even if i did loan out my best copy). but "notes" is so famous and is probably fantastic.

i swear elenora has said "water" (or some variation... "wa-ah") twice in the last two days.

today i asked her where "the photo of ella holding a basketball" is and she pointed to the framed picture on top of our bookcase. smarty.

good eats

i just finished dicing carrots and breaking apart broccoli heads to steam for elenora's dinner and snacking. i find cooking for her is fundamentally satisfying. there is something beautiful about preparing food for your child, and i feel deeply happy when i make it myself.

i think of c. making yogurt from scratch and baking breads--two menus for the family so that everyone is provided for in the way that best fulfills their needs. i admire that so much and can't believe she can find the time.

a., too, somehow manages with three children. i'm always impressed when i call in the morning and she's serving french toast and eggs before taking the boys to school.

i hope i can continue to grow as a cook and add to my repertoire. i'd love to make yogurt and bake more and learn about canning the vegetables from the CSA.

sometimes it seems like other mothers must have 36 hour days. i don't know how to fit it all in.

cruisin'

elenora has started to "cruise" up and down the coffee table unassisted. i am just amazed at how quickly she is developing this ability that will end with her walking, running, jumping.

i had my first encounter with unsolicited advice. i was walking elenora downtown with k. at 4 pm and some middle aged man pulled up to the stop sign and yelled "put a hat on him--he's going to get sun stroke!" i just turned and yelled "she has sunscreen on!" it really bugged me because i always slather ella with factor 50 and it hurt to think that someone would think i would endanger elenora in some way.

tonight i picked up our vegetables at the farm (we're involved in community supported agriculture) and they had beautiful pink beets and fresh cloves of garlic for me. i have never seen garlic so fresh before; the casing wasn't brittle and the flesh of the garlic was so moist. i cooked up the greens (kale, collards, braising mix) with the garlic and it was fantastic. luckily, we paid for the CSA back when we had a bit more money and now it just feels like i get free produce every week. we're eating healthier than we ever have, organically, and saving the environment all at the same time.

i don't mind.

sand

j. and i took elenora to the ocean yesterday afternoon. she wore her full body, pink wet-suit, and looked like a little surfer. she's been very timid about the sand, so i wanted to show her that it's fun. we packed a pink stacking cup full of sand and made little castles. she kind of flicked at the sand in the cup and then looked intently at her fingers to see what was sticking to them. then i took her down to the edge of where the water was and we both sat down in the sand. i kept putting her down very close beside me and i'd pick her up every time she wanted me to, but i wanted her to know that it was okay to be in the sand. after awhile she forgot that she wanted to be picked up and got distracted with all of the things around her. she was pointing at so many things: the ocean, the boats, the children playing, the seagulls, the umbrellas. she loves the seagulls. and she was so vocal. just screamed with delight every time she saw a bird. eventually she was comfortable enough to walk up the beach towards j., holding onto my hands.

i can't explain the feeling i had of being there in the sand with elenora as she excitedly pointed and babbled and walked between j. and me with the sun and the salt and the wind. we're a family, and it brings so much joy to each one of us.

last night i went on a "bunny run." momby came by in the afternoon to grab some laundry (she's a saint) and i sent ella's bunny lovey with her because bunny badly needed a bath. i explained to elenora that "bunny is going to stay over at grandma's house tonight" and we said "night-night" to bunny. but four minutes after i put her to bed she started crying and she cried fairly hard and i knew it was ella realizing that bunny wasn't going to be with her. j. and i took turns going for jogs, and when i came back from mine he said that she'd woken up and cried for a minute. i thought of poor elenora wanting her bunny and not getting her back until after two more naps. i hopped in the car and went to momby's and got bunny and when i got home i snuck her into ella's arms.

when i went to get her up this morning she was cuddling with bunny lovey and pulled her out of the crib with her as i picked her up.

she loves that thing. i have got to get a double.

ella dances

last night we had friends over and elenora spent a little time with them just before heading off to bed. i don't know how this kid is an extrovert, but she certainly seems to gain a lot of energy from being around others. we were showing off her skills and we asked her "where is your music?" and she crawled over to the coffee table and pulled herself up to look at the stereo. we turned on the music and she started bobbing her head up and down. after getting such a positive reaction from everyone in the room she absolutely lost it and started head banging with the biggest smile on her face. what a silly! we were all laughing, and she just ate up the attention.

ella is also enjoying our downstairs neighbors. there is a little girl of 6 years named frannie who comes outside to play with us whenever she sees me with elenora on the grass. elenora just lights up around her and becomes extremely vocal and animated.

yesterday morning we were looking at a large board book that has photos of various things in a baby's life. elenora was certain to point out the dog ("oof") and the clock ("gla") and the duck, banana, and broccoli. these are favorites of hers.

here are some pictures of her play time this morning:

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j. has an interview. thank god. he has four resumes out to various jobs, and at least one is very promising. i'm just hoping that the interviewers can see what a talented and amazing clinician he is. he deserves to be recognized for all of his assets.

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ella stands

here are a few pictures of elenora standing up. she is really good about pulling herself up and standing against things now without any assistance. she even can lower herself back down carefully without getting hurt (though i still watch her pretty closely).



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the remote control is a favorite "toy" of hers. she just sort of waves it around and bangs on the table with it. i told her "no eat, elenora" and she doesn't. what a good girl.

elenora comprehends pretty much everything i say to her. we can ask her "elenora, where is daddy's 'happy birthday' sign?" and she will look up at the wall above the couch to where i hung a birthday sign for j. last week. then she gets excited and points. she knows that the digital clocks in our bedroom and the clocks with hands in the living room and kitchen are all clocks, and she will point to them and eagerly exclaim "ck!" until we acknowledge them too. she knows what to do when i say "pick up your hands" as i slide her tray on the high chair. she looks me in my eyes when i say "elenora, look at mommy." she can find her belly, her fingers, her toes, her feet; daddy's ear, mommy's belly button, mommy's nose; anyone's feet. she knows the names of all of her toys. if i hide a toy in her little kitchen microwave, she opens the door and grabs it out. that's a new favorite game that can last a long time. if you say "where is your music?" she looks at the stereo--even if the music isn't on.

this past weekend with c. i found myself feeling foolish relating all of these "amazing" things that ella is doing now. i must sound like an idiot to people who have never had a baby--and maybe even to people who have older children. but to me this is all incredible, and i really am so proud of her.

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yesterday j. and i took elenora to the beach for the afternoon. she loves looking at the seagulls and she likes being held while we stand by the water. but she's still timid about putting her feet in the sand or the water. j. and i each got in the cold ocean, which was so refreshing after the heat wave. ella enjoyed eating a rice cake and pointing at all of the things she saw.

vermont

vermont was wonderful. we arrived thursday night. ella slept the whole way there and j. and i had our first three hour car ride in complete silence so as not to wake the baby. it's so tough for j. to do that since he usually talks a lot.

my grampa was there. his hip is bothering him, so he seemed older than usual. he will probably get the hip replaced and then be back to his spry 85-year-old self.



friday a. brought naomi over to play with elenora. the girls are so cute together. we took them around the neighborhood in their strollers and ella kept leaning out of her stroller and reaching towards naomi. then they crawled around on the floor of the family room and competed for toys. naomi is faster than elenora (who doesn't have brothers to contend with!) and she can stand unassisted for a few seconds. they both still have a limited amount of hair, but naomi is olive toned and her hair looks longer than our ella, who is so fair.


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in the afternoon j. and i took elenora downtown and just walked around the city. it was so quiet down there.


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saturday morning we met up with c. and r. at sugar and spice for a tasty breakfast. then we took ella to the farmers' market where we met up with a. and her kids. i love the farmers' market. a. got us some maple cheddar spread, and we also bought a chipotle hot sauce that is fantastic. i got samples of bread and cheese for ella to munch on, and she was sitting on the edge of her seat pointing at things, talking, and petting dogs. i love seeing her in various social settings because she has so much personality and is so outgoing.

the pointing thing is new. she does that a lot now.

after the farmers' market we went back to my folks' house and had thanksgiving with my uncle and aunt and grampa and parents. my parents are about to sell their home, so this will be our last thanksgiving in vt. we gave elenora some turkey ground up in mashed potatoes and peas. she loved it. that was her first taste of meat. she also ate other new things this weekend including stuffing (just a few croutons), watermellon and cantelope.


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here is elenora with my uncle p.
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sunday we took ella to church. she just sat with us in the pew, and she was so well behaved. the best baby in the world. during the music she kept pointing at the tapestries and the ceiling fans. then during the sermon she just sat on our laps looking at her books and playing with a couple of toys. she barely made a peep. then my mom carried her around to show her off to all of her friends after the service.
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here is ella with her mimi and poppy:
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we're home now. the only down side of the weekend was that somehow we lost all of j.'s keys. they were on the floor of my parents' family room yesterday morning and by the time we arrived home they had disappeared. we now are down to one car again, since i can't even find the spare key for j.'s car and the doors of the car are locked. we're dreading how much this is going to cost, as we just don't have any money for this. my car is sputtering as of this past week, and it really needs to be looked at, but again there is no money.

so i'm walking to work.

photos

so a. called this morning and mentioned that the blog is lacking in pictures lately. i had plenty of excuses (the camera batteries died and i've been super busy with birthday parties, anniversaries and father's day). but i really don't have excuses today, so here are some photos from the other day when elenora and i were playing and she was just loving her books--especially the one with the pictures of the puppies.







here she is loving "cody":

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we're still working on the sippy cup. these things are so difficult to drink out of unless you take the plastic blocker out of the nozzle, in which case the sippy cup loses its ability to stop the dripping. plus, they are really heavy with water in them. but, she's trying...

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a birthday

j. turned 30 two days ago. we held a big basketball game with all of his friends at the Y on sunday night. so much fun. he still has so many friends from both high school and college, and it was good of them to all come and celebrate with us.

ella continues to become stronger and more adventurous. she crawls all over the apartment and pulls herself up to a standing position whenever possible and stands for long periods of time--sometimes one-handed.

she's been very interested in her books lately. elenora will sit in my lap and let me read book after book to her while she looks at the pictures and points to the red balloon and the young mouse in "goodnight moon," or to the apple and plum in "hand, hand, fingers, thumb." i love those times of snuggling since she is usually such an active baby and not inclined to sit still long enough for a cuddle.

i've been giving her all kinds of new foods: egg yolks, spinach, broccoli, peaches, brown rice cakes, cottage cheese, etc.

elenora nurses about two times a day on average. i hope that is enough. she just doesn't have the patience for it anymore. she gets distracted and wants to go play.

we haven't gotten outside enough lately. it has been sticky in the afternoons and i just haven't been motivated to slather her with sunscreen and get out of the house. but i know i need to, for my own soul.

i have to go back to the dmv today. i'm dreading it. but i want to be able to get a beach sticker for my new car, so i have to go through with this. hopefully they will be duped by my forgery of my brother's signature (how do they expect me to have him sign something when he's in the middle of the ocean off of Guam?) and will give me my registration.

i have low expectations.

money has been so tight lately. rent is due today and i'm afraid it means another transfer of $1000 from our savings. we can't do this much more. i'm not a person who worries about money, but i'm starting to feel a panic in the back of my throat when i think about our situation.

we're heading up to vt this weekend. i'd wanted to go up tomorrow night, but we can't afford to take two cars up and j. works thursday. this might be the last time i can go stay at my folks' house, as they have it on the market already. here's the listing:

http://base.google.com/base/s2?q=brookwood%2C+mendon&authorid=&hl=en&gl=US

or

http://www.zillow.com/HomeDetails.htm?zprop=75453130