one year

we had our first ever wedding anniversary yesterday. traveled up to vt to stay at the inn where we held our reception. they upgraded us to the best room in the house: a mountain top loft suite with a jacuzzi tub and a king size bed and the feel of a log cabin. i actually stayed there with my bridesmaids the night before the wedding last year. it was such a trip to think that the last time i slept in that bed was the last time i was a single woman. the last time i left that room i was wearing my wedding gown. i can still picture that room with girls' items strewn across the chairs and dressers from all of us getting dressed. i can still remember sitting on the bed with a., k., e., j. and a.k. after the rehearsal dinner, drinking wine and wine coolers and laughing over life.

j. and i checked in around 1:30 in the after noon, saturday, and then relaxed for a bit just cuddling on the quilted bed. then we went out for some tennis. soft clay courts and hot weather made us a bit slower than usual, but they kindly had a water cooler by the court fence, so we hit the ball for quite some time. then we showered and dressed and went to dinner at three tomatoes. half chicken of pinot grigio, caprisse salad for me and a Caesar for j., then chicken Parmesan for j. and penne with artichoke hearts and kalamata olives for me. then fresh wedding cake with candles that we shared. we talked about the different stages of our lives since junior high, and i learned that j. had thought that if he'd just act up enough and make enough of a problem his parents would let him move back to p.a. instead of keeping him in m.a. when he was 13.

sunday morning i took a hot tub with the jets streaming onto my back and arms and legs and feet and the ginger milk bath powder giving my skin some new softness. we enjoyed the bruncheon, which involved all of the following: orange juice, coffee, fruit, sausages, bacon, omelets, potato salad, crackers and cheese, prime rib of beef, and chocolate mousse.

we didn't eat again until 10 at night.

i'm so thankful for the joy j. and i find with one another. i'm so thankful to have found tennis as a hobby we can both get into and participate in together. i'm so blessed to have a happy marriage with such an admirable man.

running to the starting line

we left home at five to give ourselves plenty of time to get into b-town. but then we needed gasoline and a power bar. and then i realized i'd forgotten my racing number on the kitchen table. so by the time we left the second time we were running late, and it was rush hour. up to the tobin bridge was fine. but from there it was two feet of pavement behind you every forty-five seconds. there was this light at the end of the bridge that would turn green for about four seconds, and two cars would rush through and then it was red again. cars from the left were pushing their way into the line in front of the cars coming from the bridge, and it took what seemed to be hours to get to government center. then we hit every stop light up to the block before park street church, at which point i took my phone and my racing number and jumped out of the car. "if nothing else--if i lose you--meet me at park street church at eight," i told j.

then i started running. i felt like the stress of the day and the rush hour traffic was pounding out through my feet and i could run forever. i ran to the park. i ran to the frog pond. i ran to the crowds of people with company t-shirts and racing numbers and running shoes. i tried to find Anyone with a t-shirt matching mine, and then i ran to the back of the line of people at the starting banner and began weaving my way through. at some point before the start people started running. i did too. at first there was just momentum: everyone was running, so everyone ran. then there was adrenalin. then there was ecstacy and will power and chills and exhaustion and stamina. and by the end of the race i had run 3.5 miles without stopping: 39 minutes.

j. was at the finish line. i saw him and threw my hands up in the air.

the distance

first, i heard from my cousin today. he sent me an email from iraq with his photo--looking so young and handsome, asking for photos of us and maine, and calling himself by the nickname i dubbed him when we were children. how can this boy be in war?

second, i'm running in a race this thursday in B-town. my first race ever, with a number on my back and a team t-shirt and everything. j. is driving me in to support me. 3.5 miles. today i tried out my plan: run 11 minutes, walk four, run 11 minutes, walk four, run 11 minutes. the last 11 were probably more like eight, and i felt tired and out of breath for some reason. maybe it's just the monday factor. last week i had one running session where i honestly felt like i could run forever and not tire. but it was ten degrees cooler on that day. the race thursday is in the evening, so it should be cooler then. i'm positive that i can finish in under 50 minutes--i'm aiming for about 42. my training this week will really help me feel more confident about it. my goal is to run 3 out of the total miles (and walk the other .5).

this weekend we travel to vt to celebrate our one year anniversary. unbelievable.

not-so-lazy sunday

i woke up this morning--wide awake--to the first bit of sun in close to a week. i could see the blue of the sky through the triangular window above my head, and the breeze felt warm. i jumped out of bed and pulled on my new black shorts, my new black sports bra, and my new ankle socks and sneakers.

i was going running.

then i jumped on j. until he was awake enough to come with me. the poor man went from sound asleep to standing in sneakers. literally. i placed his socks on his feet myself before he hit the ground.

after our run we drove to dunkin d's for a toasted almond iced coffee and bagels. we parked the car behind bill&bob's in salem and listened to the park street sermon on the radio while we ate our breakfast and watched the seagulls and sailboats skim over the ocean. the sermon was really good, tying together the old testament to the new, and showing how jesus fulfilled the typology of the feast of tabernacles when he said he is the light of the world and the living water. and i learned that when the pharisees brought the adultress before jesus and asked him if they should stone her, and jesus bent down and started writing with his finger in the sand, it was to show that he was the one who wrote the law (the same language for writing with a finger is used for when god wrote the ten commandments with his finger); then jesus says "he who has no sin should cast the first stone." he really had some guts. and wisdom.

and he really left no question about who he was claiming to be.

it was just an interesting sermon. one that affected me to the point of placing a lump in my throat.

i've heard that in some language the "soul" is translated "throat."

this afternoon we traveled to rockport to wander the streets and look in the galleries. the ring i love is still at the village silversmith's. i tried it on again, admiring the star in the middle of the blue saphire. it's still too expensive for us.

we ate hot dogs at top dog, and bought another coaster. then j. took me through the back side of gloucester, stopping at a beach where we sat by the sand and i waded through the water.

tennis and tacos rounded out our evening. now i'm waiting for the wash to finish so i can move it to the dryer.

and if i was going anywhere, i was RUNNING

i love running.

hope does not disappoint

i took a nap this afternoon. i'd just gotten off the phone with my mom. lots of bad news... my uncle is dying from a tumor in his liver that cannot be removed because his liver is so damaged he wouldn't survive the surgery; my grandma is depressed over the possibility of burying her second son; no one has heard from my cousin in iraq in several weeks; a friend's daughter may die from hepatitis C...

i fell asleep and dreamed of conflict and rage.

this morning part of the sermon was on hope. the preacher said that the most troublesome thing to non-christians is the perception that christians lack hope when experiencing suffering in their lives.

my mom sent my uncle a book. something about "anchor in the storm" or some such thing. it supposedly presents a christian message of hope without pushing christianity onto someone who is suffering. my uncle told my grandma to tell my mother he received the book--and not to send him any more religious books.

but he said he might read this one.

my grandmother also said she might read the book.

and i guess i'm still working through in my own mind what i believe about this. about dying and faith and what it takes to be right with god. is there justice and mercy for people who experience so much pain and abuse and violence in this life without them coming to a place where they explicitly call out to god to save them? i can understand the catholic need for a purgatory where people can work off their sins till they can enter paradise and receive love and grace for perhaps the first time in their lives. but i don't know what i believe about all of that. i don't even think i can have real knowledge about that in this life. my prayer for my uncle is that he will find mercy and love in the most perfect and pure form. and i don't know that he can find those things in this life from any person. so i guess my hope is that he will read this book and come to knowledge of God, who is able to love with a perfect love and to offer perfect mercy and grace. part of me thinks that maybe full conversion and belief doesn't have to happen in this imperfect life. maybe there is a more perfect justice than that. maybe god, who is infinite, doesn't have to use this space/time to accomplish everything.

i do have hope in this. i also have hope that my grandma will be able to find this same love. i have hope that though my cousin is out of contact with the family god knows where he is and is watching over him and will redeem this experience in his own time. and i am encouraged that the family whose daughter has hepatitis C seems to be a closer family than it has in years, with two of their sons at home and at peace.

to everything there is a season; a purpose.