as i become the mother of a 5-year-old...

yesterday, as we picked out elenora's outfit for her birthday party, she said "i think that this one looks like what a 5-year-old would wear... it looks very grown up."

grown up, indeed. 

tonight is the first birthday-eve where ella is not in our house.  we decided it was best for everyone if ella went over to her mamaw's this afternoon and spend the night there.  as i hugged her good night before she got in the car to leave, i said "make sure mamaw sings 'happy birthday to you' in the morning, and 'how old are you now'" and i got all choked up and barely made it back into the house before bursting into tears.  the thought of ella waking up somewhere else on her birthday made me so sad.  it's been tradition for me to walk into her room and sing happy birthday and how old are you now and to record it on camera.  the thought of not being there just really broke me up.

but it was also really important for j. and me to have some down time.  we have been so drained lately and didn't have a lot in the tank today.  he and i ended up going to the beach and taking a really long walk that was much needed. 

4 was a hard age in many ways.  and i don't think it was helped by all of the stresses we've been handed this year with j.'s job changes.  and yet, ella is the love of my life and the joy of our lives.  she makes me laugh and makes me think.  she has the best expressions and is very loving and sweet.  she has grown so much and has learned so much in the past year; i can only imagine what we have to look forward to this coming year.

i love this little family we have, fiercely.

Elenora's 5th Birthday Party

full day school

today when i picked ella up at school she ran towards me with dust and dirt billowing off of her clothing and she threw herself in my arms and looked up at me and said "today was the best day of full-day school ever!"

this was her second day.

we've stepped into a new phase of life.  today was my first day working an 8 hour day since before elenora was born.  it's amazing to not have to think about who is watching her and when i need to rush home so that j. or mom b. can get to work.  it's really freeing, and i'm so excited for all of the things ella gets to do this year.  for instance, next week she gets to do farm chores with the animals.  and today she went ponding.

last week when i dropped her at school for her first day i was a little bit worried about how she would do.  her best friend at school is only there in the afternoons, so i had really been emphasizing to her all of the other children who would be there.  but as soon as we arrived she said "oh, there's my friend!" and ran off to play in the sandbox.  she hardly even looked up when i left. 

and i had taken the day off of work, so i suddenly found myself with 7 hours of whatever i wanted to do! 

can i say that again???  whatever i wanted to do.

i went to the gym and then wandered across the street to chrisotpher's table to order ella's birthday cupcakes (blue frosting with rainbows) and to get a coffee.  then i meandered through the town sipping my coffee and glancing in various stores for party ideas.  then i went grocery shopping.  then i went home and cleaned and did the dishes and vacuumed, and when all that was done i sat and read a book.

it was the ideal day. it made me think "oh this is what it feels like to have no responsibilities!"

(kind of made me excited about kindergarten next year.)

(and, yes, that is this mother's ideal day.)

so this week is the first week where ella is at school full day and i'm at work full day.  last night i found myself packing a lunch and 2 snacks for elenora and also a breakfast and lunch for myself, so i packed a lunch for j. just for good measure.  i have to be so organized.

this saturday is elenora's birthday party, and i really hope it doesn't rain because we have the coolest party planned.  we're meeting all our friends and local family and taking a short hike around Appleton Farm with a treasure map and then ending up at the picnic area where we'll have the cupcakes and rainbow trail mix and rainbow fruit salad.  i got miniature my-little-ponies for all of the kids to find at the end of the treasure hunt and temporary hair color so that elenora can finally have blue and pink hair.  i also got a rainbow of nail polishes, so i think the kids will have a super time.

please don't let it rain!

funny things ella has said in the past 6 months

i can't believe i haven't been writing for so many months.  but i've been using my iphone to jot down all the random things that elenora says that strike me as particularly amusing.

months ago, i was going through all of ella's clothing and piling up the clothes she'd grown out of (she is 42 inches now!) and some of the clothing happened to be underwear.  pink and purple underwear.  with hearts and flowers on them.  i was wondering out loud about what to do with the clothing and ella generously and enthusiastically said "i know! we can give them to Nathan!"

one time i was driving elenora someplace and she said matter-of-factly "Daddy's car is not as fast as yours."  i laughed so hard because, you know, it's really the driver.

one day, again matter-of-factly, elenora said "mommy, there are things for you at PBS.org."

some poignant things elenora has said include her statement one morning: "how do we know who is who when they get older? because they don't look like they do when they are younger."

and also she said, just the other night, "the alphabet is in the words when you talk. the words that you say are made of letters."

at the beginning of the summer, elenora discovered a little green caterpillar at her mamaw's house and the 2 of them put this caterpillar (named Katrina) into a jar with some leaves and water and kept it overnight.  when i arrived at ballet to pick ella up, i found her overnight bag balancing the jar inside of it.  we took Katrina home and elenora was so sweet to it all day until she suddenly lost it in the grass outside of our house.  she started crying and crying saying "Katrina is my best friend!" so a neighbor saw a butterfly and suggested that Katrina had transformed into a butterfly.  elenora wailed in despair "no! first she has to slowly perform a chrysalis!"

last week as we were driving to Ocean City, NJ, for a vacation, we drove through Rutgers campus as crowds of fans were arriving for a football game.  throngs of people were crossing the street in their red shirts, and ella said "there sure are a lot of lifeguards around here."

some words that elenora adorably mispronounces include: "prentzels," "Anne of Cream Gables," "marsket basket," and "inventure" instead of adventure.

the other night as i was cooking dinner, elenora came up from her tub all clean and PJed and she pattered into the living room and turned on the TV and i heard her exclaim "oh good! it's already on HDMI1."

once, when j. was having a hard time zipping up a tricky zipper, he decided to throw his frustration into a "dear jesus, please help me to get this zipper up" prayer.  ella responded with "maybe jesus just wants you to do it yourself."

ella has informed me that stars look like the sun only the sun has a face and stars don't... which, if you think of all the children's book illustrations, you'll realize is true.

we were playing at the castle a few weeks ago and t. created a series of clues for the girls to run around and find. at one point they were having a hard time locating a clue and t. yelled up to rose "You can't see it?" and rose yelled back "yeah".  ella then called down "it's the kind of 'yeah' that means 'no'!"