Christmas is over

elenora and i are up in vermont again. my dad was with us for christmas and i drove him back home yesterday. last night i left a sleeping ella at home so i could go meet up with c. at the back home again cafe. i told dad that if she woke up to give me a call and i'd be home in about fifteen minutes. i thought she'd sleep the whole time since she usually sleeps from when i put her down at night until about midnight. it was fun to see c., but of course elenora woke up while i was gone and my dad decided not to call so that i could hang out with friends. silly baby.

christmas was a lot of fun this year. we went to the christmas eve service in boston. it was elenora's first church experience. she was pretty good, but j. and i had to switch off who carried her around bobbing up and down since she was so tired when we got there and then too stimulated to sleep. poor baby. then we all went to j.'s parents' house for a supper of shrimp cocktail, crackers and cheese, veggies and dip, and deviled eggs. j. and i exchanged gifts on christmas eve, along with my dad. i got lots of nice clothes from j. and a sweet journal that j. has kept of ella's first 13 months.

christmas morning we drank our mimosas and elenora was so sweet with smiles and good sleeping habits all day. we went to j.'s folks' house for a brunch, then we took a walk outside as it was pretty nice out. we tore into the presents while elenora was awake and pleasant. she was given so many nice toys. her favorite was a little kitchen set that lights up and makes a few sounds and has shapes that you can drop into holes in the fridge and they come out of the ice tray. so cute. her other favorite toy was a large mirror on a cone shaped, soft bee hive. she is so curious about looking at herself in the mirror now. dinner was prime rib, but mine was placed on a hot plate while i put ella to bed, as she suddenly was too tired to stay up.

wednesday morning we took my dad and elenora out to breakfast at the pancake house. ella fell asleep on j.'s shoulder before the meal arrived and we all enjoyed our time together. dad and i drove ella up to vermont and she was good up till the last half hour (when she was hungry and we just pushed through to get home).

today elenora and i went to see a. and her family, including naomi. naomi was all smiles and giggles. i can't wait until ella starts giggling. she smiles so much but no giggling yet.

tomorrow i head home. i have my grandma's car for the next three months, so i'm really excited to not have to climb in and out of my two-door every time she needs to go into her car seat. but the aztec has some blind spots i need to get used to. i may never want to go back to my old car!

i'm getting sick. my first cold of the season. i hope so much that i don't pass it on to ella. they say the breast milk is good for antibodies, but i'm not sure i can protect her from me.

we got our christmas cards out this year. the day after christmas. but that's better than last year, so we're pretty pleased.

here are some pictures of my family (including my grandma) with elenora on Christmas Eve:

Ella's First Christmas Dress

everything is going well. ella has been amazing and work is great.

elenora has a regular schedule now. i know how to put her to bed, how long her naps need to be for her to be pleasant, and how to play with her when she's awake. we're having so much fun together. she smiles at me all the time and is just adorable.

christmas is next week. this year is so different from our other Christmases together. no tree this year. and i'm still completing my christmas shopping (which i usually finish by december 1st). our house is strewn with unwrapped gifts. i went to the mall tonight and really didn't find what i was looking for. it gave me a headache, actually. or maybe that was Macy's, as the cosmetics counters at the entrance of the store hit you full force with all of the over-priced perfumes people have tested all day. the one thing i really want to find is a black leather coat for j. it's been impossible to find so far.

but we do have a bottle of champaign for our christmas morning mimosas.

here are some cutie pictures of elenora in her christmas dress.





she kept trying to eat the dress...

the Office

so i've been back for three days. i feel so lucky to be able to have both my work and my family. everyone at work is wonderful and the actual work i do there is fun for me. i have my own office with windows that i can look out at birds through, and people stop in to see me and welcome me back.

i've been able to play with elenora in the mornings before i go and then spend good time with her in the afternoons and evenings. i find myself laying down with her for her afternoon naps--not because i'm tired so much as the fact that i want to be near her after being gone for four hours of the day. i don't want to miss a moment of bonding time, and i really hope she doesn't do anything new without me there. she's so precious and amazing. she gets more interactive every day. tonight she was so lively on her play mat that i thought she would roll right over from front to back. when i put her on her tummy she kept putting her knees up almost under her. that's a good step towards crawling.

tonight i was sitting with her in the glider and she was reaching out to her stroller (which has to be stored in her room due to our lack of space). it's a beautiful lime green and black, so she likes the colors. i sat her in the stroller and then put her animal sounds book in front of her and she spent a long time looking at the pictures and touching the sound buttons and i think she kind of understood that when i helped her to push the buttons she was causing the sounds to come out of the speaker. she really likes the pictures of birds (ducks, chicks, roosters) and isn't so interested in the pigs and elephants.

both yesterday and today elenora took the bottle from h. while i was at work, so it's quite a relief. today she slept from before i left until two hours after i'd gone, so it was a nice easy day for h. friday my folks will come down to watch her while i'm at work.

all together i'm so happy and i feel so fulfilled. i get the best of all worlds. i love my job and i love my family. my baby is healthy and i finally feel as if i understand her needs and can meet them. she's sleeping well and eating well and she's growing and learning so much.

we have so much to be thankful for this christmas.

bottles II

she won't take it.

elenora was babysat by mom B. today for four hours and refused to take a bottle the entire time. it's ridiculous because she took a bottle just a couple weeks ago. now she suddenly is so picky that she'd rather go hungry. i didn't know i needed to keep giving her a bottle on a regular basis if i wanted her to continue with it. we never had a problem before now.

at least i don't have to work full days. i think that going four hours between feedings is fine, but i really need to do some research on that. i think she'll just eat more when i feed her.

but how will i ever have a long evening out? good grief. babies are so demanding.

anyhow, my first day back was great. i have an office with two windows now. it's so nice.

if only i didn't have to worry about my starving daughter.

all my bags are packed, i'm ready to go

i am going to work tomorrow.

maternity leave is over. i'll be at ebscoland at eight. it feels so strange.

for two nights i was terrified that i'd taught my daughter that she couldn't sleep without my nipple in her mouth. i've been nursing her off to sleep for naps and bedtime because that is the easiest way to get her to fall asleep without hours of crying. but three nights ago she started waking up throughout the night whenever she realized she wasn't nursing anymore. she would scream if i didn't put my nipple in her mouth, and since j. has to work and we have neighbors downstairs, i'd put her back on.

none of us got much sleep, and she kept over filling her belly and throwing up. then she and i were both sleeping in it. it was awful.

last night was better, so i'm really hoping that it was a fluke and she will go back to sleeping through the night.

i've been trying to do some christmas shopping. j. offered to watch her yesterday afternoon while k. and i went to newburyport in search of seville orange coffee. i nursed her right before i left and she fell asleep but when i put her in j.'s arms she woke up and started crying.

she cried until i came home and the coffee shop had shut down anyhow.

then today i nursed her off to sleep for her afternoon nap and i left a bottle and went with mom B. to the mall. i hate the mall and consumerism in general, but you can't really go anywhere else for things like jeans and undershirts. also, mom B. got elenora her christmas outfit. it's a gorgeous little green and red party dress with a black velvet bow and black crinolin underneath. so cute. ella is going to be adorable in it. i hope she can wear it more than once. maybe to church (if we ever get the courage to go with a baby).

after we'd been there for awhile i got a call from j. saying ella was awake and refusing to take a bottle. which was scary because of my going back to work. i've been pumping all week in preparation for going back, and i'm really relying on her being able to eat without me around.

when i got home j. was frazzled and elenora was sobbing. i tried the bottle and sure enough she just screamed. but later i tried a different bottle (the one i had left for j. was a bottle we'd never used, so i tried the ones she's been using since birth). she took it. thank god.

so my bag is packed with almonds and an apple and a picture of my l'ella. i'm a bit nervous, but also excited. i will get an office tomorrow and just set it up and sift through emails and look over things. not a difficult day.

i hope.

toys

elenora is really opening up to the world now. she smiles at everyone who comes to see her and reaches out for things like the couch pillows and her lime green stroller. today i put her in her stroller and then decided to show her various toys and see if she's interested in them yet. she was so focused on each toy i showed her and wanted to touch them all. mostly rattles, but her favorite toy of the day was a cloth book with lots of patterns and colors. which i should have known because the couch pillows really are her best friends right now. when we got back from vermont she looked over at them and smiled as if to say "oh good, you're still here." and one time she was staring at one of them for a long time trying to trace the flower patterns and she turned her head and saw the other pillow and she whipped her head back to the first one as if the world couldn't get any better. there are TWO pillows! amazing.

she sat for a good long time touching the cloth book and feeling it crinkle in her hands and noticing the textured rubber corners.

now i know what to get her for christmas.

i tried to take her christmas shopping yesterday. it was a disaster. v. said in her message that just one hour can throw off the entire schedule for the day, and she was so right. s. arrived to go shopping with me after ella had only had an hour long morning nap. she usually naps two or three hours in the morning. i fed her and put her in the car and she cried. as we walked around the mall i hoped she'd just fall asleep in her babybjorn. but she's too social and interested in the world now to fall asleep with that much chaos going on around her. she just got more and more tired and started crying and then pretty much screaming. i nursed her in two different store dressing rooms hoping she'd sleep. no such luck. poor s. went into vicky's secret to get something sexy for her to wear for her husband for christmas and she didn't get to buy anything because elenora was just screaming so loud. (some store clerk tried to help me and i said "yeah, do you have anything sexy i could nurse in?")

when we got home s. came up to nurse her own baby and to let aurora crawl around before getting into the car again to go home. that unfortunately kept ella up even longer so that by the time i lay down with her to nurse her off to sleep it was four in the afternoon. poor baby.

but then she did sleep for a good three hours and i made italian sausage tomato sauce for spaghetti and then j. and i got to go to his basketball game while Gramby babysat. after the game, which j. won, three of his high school friends from the team came over to watch the tape and eat snacks. gramby had put ella to bed so i got to hang with the boys and just have a fun evening.

tonight k. and i are trying for a girls' night with The Office and garlic veggie pizza.

we'll see.

road trip

elenora and i went to vermont. j. needed some peace and quiet at home to counteract all of the stress he was facing at work, so ella and i got into my two door, 1992 nissan sentra and headed up to my parents' house last wednesday. she was so good in the car. just slept the entire drive. her mimi and poppy were so excited to see her, and she was such a sweet girl the entire trip.







she's started smiling at everybody. she smiled at my folks and also at c., who i spent time with on saturday, and m., who i stopped by to visit at the nursing home.



a. came by with naomi so that the girls could meet. it's so amazing to think that a. and i were only five years older than our girls are now when we met. i get to be "aunt b." again.





mom and i spent our time cooking while ella napped and shopping when ella was awake. and dad joined us in playing yahtzee in the evenings. elenora actually loved watching us play, and would stand on my lap watching for over an hour without being cranky.

the sleeping wasn't a problem. every time ella got tired i would take her right up to the guest bed and lay down next to her and nurse her off to sleep. that way when she was asleep i could just slip away and not have to worry about putting her down and startling her awake. it works well. she sleeps for two or three hours per nap, too, so i get to do stuff during that time.

c. and i went to a vermont holiday crafts fair at a local college. i love going to those things in vermont because everything is so unpretentious. around here people would charge three times as much because things looked homemade and country. up there the things just are homemade and country and everyone charges unbelievably low prices. i bought a gorgeous green scarf, a little handmade teddybear for ella, and some hot sauces and pickled garlic. i ran into my high school drama teacher, and all she could talk about was the theater department reunion coming up. she seemed to think it's the greatest thing in the world and that of course everybody who was ever in drama would be excited to come... i guess i've just moved on. high school drama seems very far from my world now.

my drive home was good. ella slept for two hours and then woke up as we passed the concord rest stop, so we stopped and i nursed her in the back of the car. then we drove the rest of the way and she slept again. what a darling.





j. was so happy to see us. he said that while we were gone he had peace and quiet, but that ella and i are his joy.