cravings

so here are the foods i've craved so far: a burrito from Tapas, garlic bread, and pizza. lots of pizza. pizza almost every day. other than that, it's so strange... i can't feel what it is i want to eat. nothing sounds good to me. it's like it has to be in front of me to know if i want it or not. which doesn't help for cooking at home, because if i don't know if i'll want something, why go through all the effort to cook it? and it also is tricky with going out to eat, because every restaurant i think of doesn't sound good to me.

except for pizza restaurants. i think i could eat a full pizza every day. maybe two.

funny baby.

i think this baby is a boy. i know it's fifty-fifty, and the coins said girl, but i really feel like this one's a boy. mostly because i've been thinking about girls for the last few years and now suddenly since i found out i'm pregnant i've just got boys on my mind.

we like the names Moses and Tamsyn. secondary names include Charles, Nora, Samuel, and Madelyn.

i keep calling this baby Moses. or Moishe, as in "ah! Moishe!" when i don't feel so well.

only one really bad round of morning sickness. threw up twice. once in the middle of the night, and then the next morning while i was in the shower with my hair full of conditioner i had to jump out and gather all the towels under and around me and hang my sopping wet head over the bowl. not pleasant. but otherwise, i've been pretty good. i wear acupressure wrist bands all day and night, and i think that helps a lot.

i get terribly nauseous if i don't eat often, though. j. says i turn into the Hulk when i'm hungry. but this baby just seriously lets me know when it is past time to eat something.

we watched "Life's Greatest Miracle" last night. updated version of "The Miracle of Life" that i watched three times in high school biology class. i just kept being amazed at all that has happened and is happening inside of me. it's really incredible that it all comes together and becomes a baby with fingers and toes and a right and left hemisphere. it's sort of terrifying, because i have absolutely no control over this, and it seems like things could go drastically wrong at any moment. i hope this baby is healthy, and i hope i can do a good job of providing the best nutrition. i hope i don't sleep on the wrong side or eat too much pizza. i hope i get enough exercise and sing enough and listen to classical music enough.

i hope i can be a good mother.

the coins

friday night we flipped another coin. are we pregnant? we asked. yes, it replied.

forth time it had said that.

saturday morning i woke up super early. my breasts were hurting. my period was six days off.

the coins had said i was pregnant.

i took a test. i watched the strip carefully and kept looking from the strip to the instructions, wondering if i could possibly be seeing things correctly.

two pink lines.

TWO PINK LINES!

i ran to the bedroom to j., who was still fast asleep. "j.! j.! j.! i'm pregnant!"

j. scooped me up and held me close, with tears in his lashes.

we went out for thai food. then we went ice skating. baby loved it all.

(ps. four coin flips said it's a girl.)

End of Cycle

i never thought of myself as an entrepreneur. i'm an introvert, first and foremost. so how am i suddenly on the brink of trying to build a small business?

i got ice skates for christmas. of course it's been about 60 degrees out for the last month and nobody i know knows how to ice skate. but, still, i can't wait to get out on the ice with them. j. got me the best christmas presents this year.

we got our camera yesterday. Panasonic GS300. i love it. it's so miniscule. i remember the unweildy thing my parents used to lug around. when j. and i took the camera out of the box we just laughed at the uncanny size of it all. the carrying case with all of the accessories inside of it weighs about two pounds. amazing. thanks mom and dad and momB and dadB.

i found an old exercise bike in the trash heap the other night. i went and sat on it to claim it till j. came to help me carry it upstairs. not that anyone else wanted to rescue it off the trash heap. when we got it up we realized that the reason it was in the trash heap probably had to do with the incredible volume of metal-grating-metal that eminated out of the wheel cage. we thought it was hopeless, but after some help from k. and some generic WD40 we got it turning beautifully with nothing but a slight whirring.

now i can exercise during commercial breaks (and eat my snacks while i burn them off). very american.

we still have our tree up. well. just the tree is up. j. wants to open our living room window, take out the screen, and throw it down the three flights. this has several benefits (less pine needles tracked through the apartment, only one person gets covered with pine pitch, etc.), but i'm so terrified that a small child will suddenly appear from nowhere and get flattened by the falling evergreen. i told him that i would consider it, though, if we do it at midnight and one of us stands at the bottom with our arms outstretched in vigilant watch for any wandering babes.

speaking of babes, none yet. but i think my cycle is all screwy, because today is the ninth and my last cycle hasn't ended yet. if i'd known, i would have gone off birth control much earlier. however, looking at the upcoming fertility tracker for january (due date October), i have a good feeling about this one. plus, we've got a very aggressive "get pregnant" schedule this month.